Follow Up Friday is a new series where I check in on the questions and issues that I introduced on Tuesday's blog.
Question: What is your favorite worst feeling?
As I continued to examine this question throughout the week, I found myself sort of hating my personality type. I actually got mad at it, like it was this other outside organism (which it sort of is). Saying things in my head like: why can’t you be happier with where you are? What’s wrong with you? You’re missing out on life, you know. These kinds of thoughts, I realize, are not helpful.
One of the reasons I love the Enneagram so much is that it is not about changing who you are. It’s not about being some perfect specimen. It is about shedding light on your automatic patterns, your default perspective. When you shed light on these patterns, then you have a choice. This is the awareness piece in any spiritual practice. You can either remain a victim of your old methods of existence, or you can choose a new way of seeing things.
What comes before gratitude and after awareness is acceptance. As my teacher, David Daniels says, when awareness gets too far ahead of acceptance that’s when you have discord. So casting back on that night where I had a conversation between my Inner Guidance and my Habitual Mind, I was missing the piece of acceptance. I was trying to force myself to the gratitude step.
So, what I’m planning on practicing is acceptance with compassion and curiosity. My therapist has an analogy that I think is very fitting. It’s like having a new bud planted on your windowsill and urging it to instantaneously blossom into a flower: Grow! Grow! Grow! It’s an absurd idea, so why do we do it to ourselves?
The next time my mind casts back to yearning for the rose-colored past, or gunning for the idealized future, I hope I can get curious and with compassion discover why it is I am leaving the present moment.
Let’s continue this conversation! If you have any thoughts or questions, please leave them in the comments below or email me.
Have a lovely weekend!